The Smallest of Miracles

When I'm finding it difficult, my heart usually tells me to go back to Him. My faith. Sometimes I feel like it's all that I have before going completely insane.

I admit, I think of Him most when I am in trouble and yes, it's a shame and I have no excuse but that is a different story for another time. I am just glad I have a God to turn to. Always.

Anyway, people always told me to recite Surah Maryam as one of the ways to help the process of conceiving and pregnancy and from the first time I recited it, it has always brought an unexplainable sense of peace and calmness.

Today was one of those days that I felt a yearning for the soothing poetry of the surah. I am now at my mother's place and after prayers, my eyes fell on a wooden box with intricate carvings on it. It was a wedding gift from one of my father's students; Dr. Feisal from Egypt. Inside the box was a Quran and the box doubled up as a 'rehal' to hold up the Quran when reciting. The Quran was never touched since it was given to me and was still in a plastic wrapper.

I have other Qurans at home and it never before crossed my mind to read this new one, but today I thought I would. After reciting Al- Fatihah as is required, I flipped through the pages for the surah. For those unfamiliar with the Quran, surah Maryam is one of those surahs you have to look for as it's somewhere in the middle. It's like looking for a specific chapter in a book. I usually look at the 'content' page to search for the surah, but once again, I did things out of my usual routine.

It did not occur to me to check out where the blue ribbon was in the Quran so I just flipped the pages for the surah I wanted. When I finally found it, it was already marked by the blue ribbon. The first sentences (ayat) of the surah was right there where the ribbon was... And I had goosebumps.

Surah Maryam was never one of those surahs marked in the Quran simply because I think ribbon bookmarks are usually in the middle and the surah is rarely found in the middle. A little near to the middle maybe, but never in the middle.

But this Quran, this wedding gift present, had the surah right in the middle. I just couldn't shake off the coincidence.

It would be crazy of me to take it as some sign or something (not to mention 'syirik') but it made me so happy I can't put it into words. I just had to share it.

I know no miracle is about to happen anytime soon but this itself feels like one.

It may mean something but it may also mean nothing. It doesn't matter. It's a thing for me at least.

I think it's a small reminder that I shouldn't give up. We need those reminders sometimes, don't we? No matter what our faith may be... it always help to have something to hold on to. Because God knows how many times I've wanted to call it quits.