CD 32

Hi. I know I have been quiet lately. I just needed to have some time out from discussing any form of fertility treatments or how I'm doing. It was tiring and depressing and I just couldn't do it.

As I have said earlier, I've decided to skip clomid for now and if I get pregnant, forever. I hated everything about it, from swallowing the pills to the side effects. My husband told me the same thing, so taking a break seems like a good idea.

It is Day 32 but my period has yet to come. I think it's the Ramadhan month. Maybe the change in sleeping and eating schedule has an effect on my cycle. I don't know.

I've been praying hard this Ramadhan- for a child to call ours, yes, that of course but also for a peace of mind. I have not been at my sanest and I feel like a wounded animal. I need the peace. The inner peace.

Thank God, the delay in my period means I can pray more to God. It means I can fast, and it means I can recite the Holy Quran. All these give me that inner peace.

My in laws are in Mekah and I made a note for them to remember us in their prayers too. I also asked for a special fruit known to help people conceive (God willing, of course). It is just a fruit after all. At this point, I'm willing to try anything.

I've been eating better too. Since Ramadhan began, I've eaten mostly home-cooked meals and I have lost some of the weight I gained from taking Clomid. It makes me feel better about myself and seem to have a wonderful effect on us, husband and wife.

I hope I will always feel this calm. After all, didn't they say, positive feelings will attract more positive energy? Who knows? Maybe wishful thinking can work. And if it doesn't we can always try some more.