Thanks for the false hope. I should have known better than to obsess over my late period. I am so fine tuned to my body I should have seen all the signals it was sending. OK. I did see them. I just chose to ignore them hoping for a miracle. Doctors have been wrong before. Why can't they be wrong this time around?
I was simply kidding myself into believing that maybe Ramadhan would bring me the blessing I wanted.
But I know my God has better plans for me. I know He wants me to be strong to get through this. I know He is testing me and my faith in Him.
Ya Allah, I'm trying very hard to hold on. I want so bad to be a good muslimah, and I want to do 'ibadah' sincerely without hoping for Your rewards. I want so bad to be a mother but I also want You to make me a mother when You think it is best.
I need You.
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